Contemplations
by Coinkitink
Summary: Since I first clapped eyes on him I knew he was different…special. When our eyes met it was as if he was looking straight into my soul, lighting a fire inside me…a fire I never knew was possible to light. Sparrabeth. Oneshot


Since I first clapped eyes on him I knew he was different…special. When our eyes met it was as if he was looking straight into my soul, lighting a fire inside me…a fire I never knew was possible to light.

Then again, when had the impossible ever stopped Captain Jack Sparrow?

I remember the first time I saw him as a Captain. Not as a rescuer or a pirate. As a captain. The way he took complete control, of both the ship and the crew. Once, I thought the idea of people taking orders from him laughable. He couldn't walk in a straight line, he swayed even when standing on land, his speech was slurred and the constant fluttering of his hand gave the impression his mind was elsewhere. Now I can't imagine him being anything less than a captain. When he stood at the helm it was as if he, the sea and the ship all became one. He had a sort of natural grace, almost feline…in a masculine way of course.

Another thing that intrigued me about him was his ease in himself…he was almost conceited. No. He **was** conceited. I had never, and still have not, met a man as vain and as arrogant as him. But the way he did it was almost amusing…and the consequences of it even more so. Though he'd never admit it, I'm almost certain he got some amusement from being slapped by women. He was probably proud that he has such a strong effect on them.

There is no doubt in my mind that he was aware of the effect he had on me as well. The playful banter, the suggestive comments, the looks he threw my way that made my knees buckle. There was no way a man as experienced as Jack Sparrow was not aware of the effect he was having…and I'm sure he enjoyed ever moment of it.

I'm not completely sure when I accepted Jack as a person instead of a pirate. Then again, I don't think I ever thought of him as just a pirate. When one is rescued one tends to place a certain amount of trust into their rescuer. Even when he had a pistol to my head I wasn't terrified. I mean of course I felt some fear but it was more of a thrill, a rush of adrenaline…he quite often had that effect on me. However I think that it was when Jack and I were on that island together that I began to understand him.

He longed for freedom. He craved it. Having it taken from him was like losing an arm to him. I could understand that to extent. I always wanted freedom…the only difference being when we were on that island he was the only one of us that had ever experienced it. I, of course, was still just a Governor's daughter. Jack didn't think that though. He thought there was more to me than that. I think he truly believed that inside me there was a pirate, desperate to escape. I suppose he was right.

Another moment Jack and I shared that I'll never forget was the time he explained his compass to me. I must admit I was slightly hurt when he didn't recognise me…but that hurt quickly dissipated when he looked at me. The first thing he did was turn away and tell Gibbs to hide the rum. The fact that he had not forgotten me or the time we spent together filled me with an almost childlike glee. When Jack was explaining everything to me he looked straight at me. He wasn't talking down to me nor was he looking up to me. He was treating me as an equal…something I'd longed for for a long time. To be like everyone else. James scoffed at Jack's story, thinking I was foolish to believe it. Although part of me may have believed Jack out of defiance, to prove a point to James, I did truly believe Jack was telling the truth. And I suppose he was in a way.

That was another side to Jack that interested me. His honest streak. I call it an honest streak for lack of a better word. There is no denying that Jack wasn't a completely honest man. But he was a good man. He wasn't just a thief. He had morals. I admit his motives were questionable and there were times where I wasn't sure exactly whose side he was on but he always pulled through in the end. I admired that.

It was all these things that made me think so highly of Jack…and I used them all against him. The good man in him made him come back to the Pearl…I knew he wouldn't be able to resist if I kissed him either. The only thing that confuses me however is why Jack didn't suspect anything. He wasn't stupid. He was intelligent, sharp, quick. He didn't miss a trick though many people missed a majority of his. So why didn't he realise what I was doing? I've thought that maybe it was his plan to stay with his ship all along…but it looked as if he was saying goodbye…I'd never seen him look so sad. His eyes were full of a sorrow that made my stomach clench.

The kiss wasn't just a way for me to keep him on the ship. It was for me as well. I wanted to kiss him. I was pouring all the 'wrong' feelings I'd been having into that kiss…and then I was killing it. Because that's what I did. I killed him. I proved him right in the end. I am a pirate. A selfish, self-serving pirate. I killed Jack Sparrow. And not a minute goes by where I don't regret it. I loved him. And I didn't realise it until it was too late. I loved him with all my heart. I still do. And when I get him back…I'll tell him.

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_A/N. I don't know where that came from. It just popped into my head so I wrote it down on paper…well on the computer…same thing! To anyone waiting for the next chapter of 'Temptation' I'm so sorry! I've been meaning to post the next chapter all this week but I had mock exams. I'll try and update this weekend. Reviews make the world go round and the fingers type._


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